Monday, July 4, 2011

Why yes - that is me on-stage...

I can't believe it, I did it!  Take that, you stupid fear that has been controlling my life!  (imagine me blowing raspberries here)

I let my worrying overtake my ability to enjoy performing.  One stupid mistake, many years ago and I was willing to never set foot on stage again.  Yes, 20 years ago or so I walked out on stage and blanked.  Yes, I needed to be reminded where we were in the show to get myself back on track.  Yes, I sang the wrong verse of a song.  Yes, I should have been able to let that go 2 decades ago and not let it have this hold over me.  However, I didn't let it go and instead have relived the moment ever since. 

A dear friend asked our family to come and audition for Godspell (she was the Musical Director), I auditioned SO BADLY because of nerves - I had few lines and no singing parts.  As we worked our way through the rehearsal schedule - the Director gave me more and more to do.  Then the unthinkable happened... someone had to drop out and she handed me a solo...  sing?  in public?  and I am supposed to remember what to do?  Seriously terrified - doesn't even cover the way I was feeling. 

This is where I remembered how REALLY lucky I am!  I have these amazingly supportive friends.  A friend (who wasn't even in the show) took time out of his schedule to play the song over and over with me, another friend came to sing her part/choral parts while I sang - so I could get a feel for how it would work, and his wife (also a good friend) was my cheerleader. 

When the moment came for me to get up and sing - I was pretty sure that I would forget everything or have an aneurysm.  Really, these were the only choices that I thought I had.  It was so stressful. 

But, I was totally surprised...  I sang and the world didn't fall apart around me.  I think I even got most of the words right.  I survived!  Not only did I survive, but I did it again the next day (I think I even did it a little better.)

Will I do it again?  I am not so sure about that (but, I know never to say never).  The one thing this fear of being on-stage has given me is the amazing chance to direct.  I love being the Director - not only because people have to do what I say, but because I have the ability to help bring an entire musical to life (and that is a VERY cool feeling). 

So there you go... pictorial proof that I did it (and I am really glad I did - don't tell anyone)